We know what you’re going to say.

How can you hate the Oscars- all your favourite actors/actresses are there. The gowns, the contraversial acceptance speeches, the tears, THE DRAMA. How can you not love it?

Don’t get us wrong – we love all of the above. We get out the snacks, rate the gowns on a scale of one-to-ten (also in comparison to their gown from last year), and give our predictions for each awards. We love the dramatic aspect of the awards.

What we cannot stand is the apparent sheer stupidity evident in some of the choices for winner.

Yes. We said it.

Take last night, for example. Yes, we understand that The Hurt Locker was a favourite for many to take home multiple awards, but Best Picture? Really?

Who can say they saw that coming?

Best Director, yes, we were willing to let that slide – we saw that coming a mile off, but,  it was understood that if Bigelow took home the aforementioned award, our guy Cameron was gonna take off with Best Picture for the kick-arse Avatar.

But, no.

Yet again, the Academy proved itself to be full of those kind of worthy people that irritate the saints among us even at the best of times. The Hurt Locker may have been a great film with an admittedly great, deserving story, but we’re not going to lie and say we didn’t enjoy Jim‘s creation far more.

And yet it didn’t win.

And we all know why. The Academy can’t stand the fact that, despite apparently being arrogant, Mr. Cameron always comes with the goods to back his ish up. The critics can’t stand the fact that they were wrong about Avatar being the ‘biggest flop of all time’, that it went on to gross over $2.5 BILLION and is the highest grossing film OF ALL TIME (just like we said it would be from the first time we saw the trailer). They’re bitter, vindictive and jealous and couldn’t handle the prospect of Jim standing up on that podium and giving us Part II of his iconic ‘I’m King Of The World‘ speech – which we personally couldn’t WAIT for, having loved every damn second of Part I.

In our minds, the critics were wrong and stupid to even THINK that Jim would fail, and should get over it and move on with their pathetic lives.

But, to further prove just how BITTER they were (sorry, it requires BOLD and CAPSLOCK), Avatar only ended up taking 3 minor awards, while The Hurt Locker ended up taking 6.

We don’t have a problem with THL taking 6, what we have a problem with is the blatant disrespect to what is arguably one of the best films of all time, to one of the greatest film makers of all time (OF ALL TIME – Thanks, Kanye. You can sit down, now).

If we were James C, we’d boycott the next few Oscars, esp. the ones where the sequel to Avatar (rumoured to be titled Na’vi) will undoubtedly recieve another few nominations, just to teach the Academy a lesson. Pull a 50 Cent/ Grammys thing, Jimmy. Then they’ll have to show you some damn respect.

QED.

R.D. 26.03.10
www.twitter.com/tha_phoenix

We must acknowledge, and, below, we do…

2000

- Britney’s Oops I Did It Again Striptease Performance – you know this ish is gon go down in history. It was EPIC and you know it.

2001

- Britney’s Slave 4 U VMA Performance – the snake, the cage, the barefoot gyrating and sick choreography. It’s too much, dahlin, too much (said like Edna in The Incredibles. Bish is fierce).

- Janet’s All 4 U Performance At Her MTV Icons - showing those bitches exactly why she’s an icon. It’s Janet, Miss Jackson if you’re nasty…

- J To Tha L.O. Play EMA Performance – ignore the craazy choreography; for coming down in that plane alone, this ish must be recognised.

2002

- Shakira’s Whenever Wherever VMA Performance – ah, Shakira. What’s there not to love?

2003

- Queen B’s First Solo VMA Performance Of #1 Smash Crazy In Love/ Baby Boy – if only for the fact that this cemented the launch of one of the biggest careers of the decade, this must be mentioned.

- Christina A/ Britney/ Madonna/ Missy Elliott In That Performance At The VMAs - cause you know that kiss was all over the headlines the next morning, along with the snapshot of JT‘s reaction. Fuckin’ Priceless.

2005

- Usher’s Confessions VMA Performance – the smashed glass, a foolish attempt to ask Chilli back in front of an audience of hundreds of millions… who can forget it?

- DC3′s Last Performance – A Medley – At The WMAs – and a standing ovation that lasted minutes, well deserved. One of the best performances we’ve ever seen. We were standing long before the end. The reason why they’re the greatest girl group of all time. In- fucking-credible.

2006

- Mariah’s We Belong Together Performance At The Grammys – along with FLy Like A Bird. (again) it’s too much, dahlin, too much…

- Queen B’s Two Performances – Irreplaceable And Deja Vu – At The WMAs – the first was pure Sasha Fierce looking back, the second pure B, and both sum up all the reasons we love her so much.

2007

- Chris Brown’s Kiss Kiss VMA Performance – we loved. Loved. LOVED.

- AK’s No One VMA Performance – brilliance. Pure brilliance.

2008

- Coldplay’s Vida La Vida VMA Performance – we loved this song, the confetti, the whole thing.

- Pink’s So What VMA Performance – the Celine coat, the small explosions, the strut. You know bish was working it like the rent was due tomorrow.

2009

- Queen B’s Single Ladies VMA Performance - as if we needed a reminder of the most iconic video of the decade, or the reason why she is the Queen. All you other bitches (with the exception of very few) fall back. You know who you are.

- Gagita’s First VMA Performance : Paparazzi – loved it or hated it, you know it cemented her position as the hottest new artist of the year.

- Jay Z’s Empire State Of Mind AMAs Performance – we’d have put up the VMAs one, just for his kick-arse entrance alone, but Lil Mama oh-so-memorably ruined it. And we loved this just as much, so here it is…

Now, for next year’s Grammys, which you know is gon be craazy. Queen B, Gagita, Taylor Swift, BEP… (all together now) it’s too much, dahling, too much…

LYM (said like Mariah)…

www.twitter.com/tha_phoenix